18 weeks 6 days

Wow, I cant believe that its actually taken me this long to write something.
In the first 12 weeks, I was waiting for the bleeding to start, but it didn't, thank god.
I was also sick everyday and so so tired. Once I hit 14 weeks, I started to feel so much better and got my energy back. and then it just seems to have flown. Next week we have our 19 week scan. We get to find out if we are having a boy or a girl if we want! I think we are going to keep it a surprise though - like we did with Jack.

So I guess the good thing is that we are over halfway now, as I am only going to 38 weeks max. and so far I have had no swelling and my blood pressure has been good. So they are both great signs.

Still it doesn't stop me worrying just about every second of the day, and I often wonder how I will make it through another 18 weeks. Sometimes I seriously think i will end up in the loony bin.

Ive had two meltdowns so far. The first was at 16 weeks, and because i hadn't felt the baby move for like 2 days I was convinced that something was wrong - even though i know that its perfectly normal at 16 weeks.

The next was when I had some very slight bleeding about a week later, which turned out to be nothing, but that didn't stop me from having a meltdown on the phone to my best friend and having 2 days off work. i was a bit of a mess.

Since then though I have been feeling bubs move every day, which is fantastic and helps put my mind at ease - slightly.

I havent written here for so long, it feels like forever. I think I just had to have a break from the whole pregnancy/baby loss world for a while after my miscarriage in July.

Im hoping that we will get some really good news in 2 days time, my period is due tomorrow and im hoping that it doesnt come! I am feeling positive.

Bye Bye Rainbow

Well now I know. The cramping got worse last night and I have had a lot of heavy bleeding and passed some clots also.

I have taken today off work, the bleeding is still quite heavy. I will go to the docs tomorrow still. I guess they will want to organise an ultrasound to make sure everything has come out.

Bye Bye to my little rainbow baby, Im sorry you couldnt stay.

Went and had a blood test done this morning, wont get the results until Wed morning though.

Just started having some cramping though and the bleeding is a little heavier...

: (

Of course stupid me, I should have known with my luck that the bleeding would continue.

Been having spotting on and off all day yesterday and again this morning. So I will have to go and have blood tests tomorrow to see if hormone levels are rising.

My feeling is that they wont be.

I actually think that bubba stopped growing last weekend when I had those cramps which I thought was contipation pains. It would explain why the scan the other day showed a 5w 3d and not 6w 3d because thats how far along I was when I had the pains.

Anyway I will have the blood tests tomorrow and see what happens. I hate this waiting game and not knowing whats going on.

There was only a little bit of blood when I wiped this morning, so I am hoping that it has stopped.

No cramping still so I guess thats a good sign, we shall see what the day brings....

Crap. Bright red blood and now Im getting a headache.

Doesnt look good.