Not good news but not bad yet either

Shit shit shit shit shit.

I went to the toilet to empty my bladder at 11:00am so I could then drink my 1 litre of water for the 12:00pm scan and there was some blood on the toilet paper.

I stared at it for ages cause I didnt believe what I was seeing. This morning I had myself convinced that this baby would be my take-home baby, that everything would be alright and then I was totally deflated.

I wiped a few times and it was just pale pink blood.

So I went to the scan anyway and told them what had happened. 

When he put the ultrasound on my stomach he said he couldnt see anything in my womb at all. So then I was thinking great it must be an ectopic pregnancy or something. So then he did an internal ultrasound and you could see a very small sack - about 0.5cm long in my uterus. There was some tiny signs of a heartbeat but not enough to pick up a rythym. According to the measurements the gestational age is 5w 3d, but yet going by my menstrual cycle I should be 6w 3d. So something isnt adding up.

Also when I wiped after the scan there was some more darker blood and a very small looking clot.

So now I am totally freaking out that I am going to miscarry or there is something wrong with the baby.

I had to tell my boss what was going on and he has sent me home for this afternoon. Luckily it is the weekend now so I can rest up.

Basically they said that all we can do is wait now and let nature take its course. And have another scan in 2 weeks time and also have some blood tests to make sure the hormone levels are rising.

So I have an appointment at my GP tomorrrow morning to get that organised.

Keep your fingers crossed please that its all going to be ok.

Scan tomorrow, yay! Im looking forward to it.

I took another preg test today just to make sure - still no morning sickness - but it was an instant positive! I had myself convinced that tomorrow at the scan they would say, your not pregnant you must have made a mistake!

Tomorrow I will get to see for myself : )

6 weeks

Still feeling good, no morning sickness yet. Which on one hand is good, but on the other makes me worry - it doesnt feel like Im pregnant! Cant wait to have my scan on Friday at lunch time and see the little heartbeat!

All weekend my mind has been going around in circles. One minute I am convinced that Im going to have a miscarriage and the next I am talking myself out of thinking silly thoughts. (I had some pains in my tummy that turned out to be constipation pains lol)

I am happy that I have made it to the 6 week mark but I will be happier when we make it past the 12 week mark. Just taking it one day at a time for now.

I have started on aspirin as advised by my specialist. What a drama that was! I am supposed to start on 150mg a day, but do you think I could find ones that are 150mg? No. One chemist told me just to take 100mg or 200mg, and said it wont really matter, but I really want to stick to what the specialst has told me.
So then I went to another chemist and he looked at me like I was an idiot when I told him I was pregnant and had been advised to start aspirin. So he shook my confidence a bit in the specialist (which was totally silly of me) so I rang their office and confirmed that it was safe to take and yes I should start straight away.

The reason for this is that I have pre-exisitng high blood pressure which is currently controlled by medication, and the aspirin is supposed to help in preventing pre-eclampsia (which was most likely the cause of Jacks death) So keeping my fingers crossed that it works.

I am feeling good still, no morning sickness, I think it started around 6 weeks with Jack.
I did another pregnancy test today just to make sure it said positive! lol It did.

I have already been panicking about a sore throat that I am getting and whether or not my meat is cooked enough or not, all the usual stuff, its just that I am a lot more worried this time than what I was with Jack.

My specialist wants me to have an early scan just to confirm dates, even though I am pretty sure of the dates, they want to be 100%, which is fine by me, the earlier I get to see this bubba the better!
So I guess I will have that towards the end of next week.

Wow!

Well it happened, apparently people do still get pregnant on their first try!!!!!
I cant beleive it, I thought it would take a few months at least.

Im only 4 weeks today, my due date is 22nd Feb 2010!

Already stressing. already hoping and imagining for the future. Please let everything work out this time.

I know Jack will be watching over us. I love you little man x0x0x0

Well the waiting game has started!
I am keeping all my fingers crossed. I am wearing my special fertility bracelet that has gemstones that promote fertility, I know I'm a weirdo! ha ha ha but I'm prepared to try anything.

I get to test on the Queens birthday holiday Monday 14th June), yay, at least its not a workday.
I'm already getting carried away imagining the 'positive'! Well I guess its better than imagining a negative.

I really hope its positive. People do still get pregnant on their first try don't they?

After reading too much information on the web I'm really terrified of becoming infertile. I know I shouldn't even be thinking silly thoughts like that. But that's how my mind works now. I always imagine the worst case scenario as well. Wish it didn't have to be that way. That's why I am trying to stay positive and think positive thoughts!

Please please please let it be positive!

Yay its finally May! No more waiting to start trying!
Yesterday was day 1 of my cycle....