37 weeks

Oh my god, I cant believe that I am actually 37 weeks pregnant!! It doesn't feel real at all. That in about a week I will be induced and then we will have a baby. My brain hasn't registered it yet, I don't seem to be able to believe that we will actually be bringing a baby home this time.

Im having trouble sleeping at night now, not because Im uncomfortable but because my mind wont stop ticking over with worry. I constantly worry about what could go wrong and whether or not this baby will be alright. I just cant wait to have the baby in my arms. It seems the further along I get the more difficult it is getting mentally. I really wish I could fast forward to after the baby's born, that would be handy.

Otherwise everything is looking good. We had an ultrasound 2 days ago and bubba weighs about 6lbs and everything looks great. we got a 4D pic, and it is sooo cute. Cant wait to see what he/she actually looks like!

30 weeks 3 days!

Cant believe I have made it all the way to 30 weeks with no swelling or blood pressure complications!
Going really well, but getting to the scary end now. I have another appointment next week with the professor and another ultrasound yay.
Developed gestational diabetes and that been difficult to eat all the right things because I have such a sweet tooth, but I will be able to manage if it means a healthy baby!
Cant believe theres only 7 1/2 weeks to go until I will be induced. Its hard to believe that it will actually happen.

25 weeks 5 days

So far everything is going beautifully. No swelling in my ankles at all which is great and blood pressure is good too!

Everything went fine at our 19week scan, we decided to keep the sex a surprise. I'm convinced I'm having a girl though. so much so that I just ordered some cute little headbands off the net today. If it turns out to be a boy I think I will faint ha ha ha!

We have another scan booked in for 27 weeks, so cant wait for that. just to check baby is growing well.

8 more weeks of work left and then I'm finished, yay!. Cant wait to just relax and treasure the last weeks of pregnancy. These last 3 months are going to go so slow I reckon. I just cant wait for this baby to arrive!

18 weeks 6 days

Wow, I cant believe that its actually taken me this long to write something.
In the first 12 weeks, I was waiting for the bleeding to start, but it didn't, thank god.
I was also sick everyday and so so tired. Once I hit 14 weeks, I started to feel so much better and got my energy back. and then it just seems to have flown. Next week we have our 19 week scan. We get to find out if we are having a boy or a girl if we want! I think we are going to keep it a surprise though - like we did with Jack.

So I guess the good thing is that we are over halfway now, as I am only going to 38 weeks max. and so far I have had no swelling and my blood pressure has been good. So they are both great signs.

Still it doesn't stop me worrying just about every second of the day, and I often wonder how I will make it through another 18 weeks. Sometimes I seriously think i will end up in the loony bin.

Ive had two meltdowns so far. The first was at 16 weeks, and because i hadn't felt the baby move for like 2 days I was convinced that something was wrong - even though i know that its perfectly normal at 16 weeks.

The next was when I had some very slight bleeding about a week later, which turned out to be nothing, but that didn't stop me from having a meltdown on the phone to my best friend and having 2 days off work. i was a bit of a mess.

Since then though I have been feeling bubs move every day, which is fantastic and helps put my mind at ease - slightly.

I havent written here for so long, it feels like forever. I think I just had to have a break from the whole pregnancy/baby loss world for a while after my miscarriage in July.

Im hoping that we will get some really good news in 2 days time, my period is due tomorrow and im hoping that it doesnt come! I am feeling positive.

Bye Bye Rainbow

Well now I know. The cramping got worse last night and I have had a lot of heavy bleeding and passed some clots also.

I have taken today off work, the bleeding is still quite heavy. I will go to the docs tomorrow still. I guess they will want to organise an ultrasound to make sure everything has come out.

Bye Bye to my little rainbow baby, Im sorry you couldnt stay.

Went and had a blood test done this morning, wont get the results until Wed morning though.

Just started having some cramping though and the bleeding is a little heavier...

: (

Of course stupid me, I should have known with my luck that the bleeding would continue.

Been having spotting on and off all day yesterday and again this morning. So I will have to go and have blood tests tomorrow to see if hormone levels are rising.

My feeling is that they wont be.

I actually think that bubba stopped growing last weekend when I had those cramps which I thought was contipation pains. It would explain why the scan the other day showed a 5w 3d and not 6w 3d because thats how far along I was when I had the pains.

Anyway I will have the blood tests tomorrow and see what happens. I hate this waiting game and not knowing whats going on.

There was only a little bit of blood when I wiped this morning, so I am hoping that it has stopped.

No cramping still so I guess thats a good sign, we shall see what the day brings....

Crap. Bright red blood and now Im getting a headache.

Doesnt look good.

Not good news but not bad yet either

Shit shit shit shit shit.

I went to the toilet to empty my bladder at 11:00am so I could then drink my 1 litre of water for the 12:00pm scan and there was some blood on the toilet paper.

I stared at it for ages cause I didnt believe what I was seeing. This morning I had myself convinced that this baby would be my take-home baby, that everything would be alright and then I was totally deflated.

I wiped a few times and it was just pale pink blood.

So I went to the scan anyway and told them what had happened. 

When he put the ultrasound on my stomach he said he couldnt see anything in my womb at all. So then I was thinking great it must be an ectopic pregnancy or something. So then he did an internal ultrasound and you could see a very small sack - about 0.5cm long in my uterus. There was some tiny signs of a heartbeat but not enough to pick up a rythym. According to the measurements the gestational age is 5w 3d, but yet going by my menstrual cycle I should be 6w 3d. So something isnt adding up.

Also when I wiped after the scan there was some more darker blood and a very small looking clot.

So now I am totally freaking out that I am going to miscarry or there is something wrong with the baby.

I had to tell my boss what was going on and he has sent me home for this afternoon. Luckily it is the weekend now so I can rest up.

Basically they said that all we can do is wait now and let nature take its course. And have another scan in 2 weeks time and also have some blood tests to make sure the hormone levels are rising.

So I have an appointment at my GP tomorrrow morning to get that organised.

Keep your fingers crossed please that its all going to be ok.

Scan tomorrow, yay! Im looking forward to it.

I took another preg test today just to make sure - still no morning sickness - but it was an instant positive! I had myself convinced that tomorrow at the scan they would say, your not pregnant you must have made a mistake!

Tomorrow I will get to see for myself : )

6 weeks

Still feeling good, no morning sickness yet. Which on one hand is good, but on the other makes me worry - it doesnt feel like Im pregnant! Cant wait to have my scan on Friday at lunch time and see the little heartbeat!

All weekend my mind has been going around in circles. One minute I am convinced that Im going to have a miscarriage and the next I am talking myself out of thinking silly thoughts. (I had some pains in my tummy that turned out to be constipation pains lol)

I am happy that I have made it to the 6 week mark but I will be happier when we make it past the 12 week mark. Just taking it one day at a time for now.

I have started on aspirin as advised by my specialist. What a drama that was! I am supposed to start on 150mg a day, but do you think I could find ones that are 150mg? No. One chemist told me just to take 100mg or 200mg, and said it wont really matter, but I really want to stick to what the specialst has told me.
So then I went to another chemist and he looked at me like I was an idiot when I told him I was pregnant and had been advised to start aspirin. So he shook my confidence a bit in the specialist (which was totally silly of me) so I rang their office and confirmed that it was safe to take and yes I should start straight away.

The reason for this is that I have pre-exisitng high blood pressure which is currently controlled by medication, and the aspirin is supposed to help in preventing pre-eclampsia (which was most likely the cause of Jacks death) So keeping my fingers crossed that it works.

I am feeling good still, no morning sickness, I think it started around 6 weeks with Jack.
I did another pregnancy test today just to make sure it said positive! lol It did.

I have already been panicking about a sore throat that I am getting and whether or not my meat is cooked enough or not, all the usual stuff, its just that I am a lot more worried this time than what I was with Jack.

My specialist wants me to have an early scan just to confirm dates, even though I am pretty sure of the dates, they want to be 100%, which is fine by me, the earlier I get to see this bubba the better!
So I guess I will have that towards the end of next week.

Wow!

Well it happened, apparently people do still get pregnant on their first try!!!!!
I cant beleive it, I thought it would take a few months at least.

Im only 4 weeks today, my due date is 22nd Feb 2010!

Already stressing. already hoping and imagining for the future. Please let everything work out this time.

I know Jack will be watching over us. I love you little man x0x0x0

Well the waiting game has started!
I am keeping all my fingers crossed. I am wearing my special fertility bracelet that has gemstones that promote fertility, I know I'm a weirdo! ha ha ha but I'm prepared to try anything.

I get to test on the Queens birthday holiday Monday 14th June), yay, at least its not a workday.
I'm already getting carried away imagining the 'positive'! Well I guess its better than imagining a negative.

I really hope its positive. People do still get pregnant on their first try don't they?

After reading too much information on the web I'm really terrified of becoming infertile. I know I shouldn't even be thinking silly thoughts like that. But that's how my mind works now. I always imagine the worst case scenario as well. Wish it didn't have to be that way. That's why I am trying to stay positive and think positive thoughts!

Please please please let it be positive!

Yay its finally May! No more waiting to start trying!
Yesterday was day 1 of my cycle....

Waiting for May, hurry up May, your not far away now, only 1 more month!

Took it, it was negative.

Im okay with that. At least that gives me more time to lose some more weight. And now I guess we wont try till May. But thats not far away now.

Well I bought the test, but now Im too chicken to take it....too scared of seeing a BFN.